Do you know how a man decides a woman is girlfriend or wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to want to commit? Another major problem is if you think he might be losing interest or pulling away. Do you know what to do when this happens? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes. Tags: commitment , dating , how to get a man to commit , love , men and commitment , relationship advice , Relationships , understanding men , what men want in relationships , why men commit. He tells me exactly the same things I tell him, its like we both want the same thing but how can I be sure?
Not long ago he asked for my number and now he calls me every night and we talk for hours, I asked him why he wanted my number.. But how do I know if he wants me? I enjoy reading your articles. He lives an hour away, we only text once a week or so, and only see each other every 2 or 3 months. But how long do I have to wait for him to want to see me more? What should I say to him? Hey there. The stress arising from thinking about his slow reaction time to my texts, and the fact that we seldom go out together are driving me up against the wall.
And so I finally but gently told him that I was seriously exhausted, not just because of him, and that I needed to focus on myself first so I was implying that I would be leaving him out there for awhile while I do my own thing. I know its difficult to stop. This article should have her name on it. How can I arrange a phone consultation with you, Eric? Your straight-forward advice sounds reasonable and sound to me.
I am in a 4-month old relationship with my boyfriend. I love him and he says he loves me, but he says he is afraid of hurting me. He confessed that he loves the excitement and euphoria when a relationship is new but gets bored and dissatisfied when the newness wears off. He is afraid that this will happen again and he will hurt me.
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My gut tells me he loves me but not enough. Sounds like bs to me. But I find it hard to be objective. He has been hurt deeply by past women who have betrayed and used him. I need help figuring this all out. Thank you very much. Hi, I have been in love with the same guy for about three years,in the beginning he told me he did not want anything serious …so I did distance my self for a little while, however now we spend all are time together…going to the gym, going to his friends place cooking together …he keeps contact with me through out the day…it seems very much like a relationship with out a title….
Same situation. I was in the same situation. I had been dating this guy for 2 years just like Bee. It was unofficial. But we did everything people in a serious relationship did and I felt like he was leading me on. He was hot and cold and that led me to be unnecessarily clingy and aggressive and most of the time depressed. But you know what? He told me that instead of texting him everyday and showing him I love him, I should love myself.
And that was the best advice I ever heard. So I did what he wanted. My advice to you is: if you are not contented with your status quo, then leave, and learn to genuinely love yourself first. Do you honestly want a man who would continue to get the benefits of a committed relationship but does not want a committed relationship with you? If so then carry on but trust me that leads to despair. Leaving him and loving yourself first will benefit the both of you in the long run. By the way as I finished reading this article I was amused since my ex guy was also named Eric.
Finally you talked about the most important piece of the puzzle. I think a lot of people just go with the 1st person to give them the time of the day and they try to make it work. It is important to note that you have to be in a good place in your life, fulfilled and happy, before you can make choices from a place of self-love and respect. That goes for all choices, from who you will date to getting up and having a healthy breakfast.
This takes work, acceptance and yes, mistakes. But his ex wife and ex gf of 14 years both cheated on him. He never wants to date or have a relationship again. He brok up with me 2 years ago because he knew I was in love with him without saying. We had wonderful exciting sex. How can I get past his barriers? Hi, I am a 61 year old widow and dating a 62 year old man for going on 2 years now, he has never been married or in a serious relationship for any length of time before.
He tells me randomly that he loves me and we spend almost all our time together. I am trying not to push too hard because I have the feeling he does love me and maybe this will go somewhere. Am I being too needy in wanting a commitment and him to move in with me after almost 2 years of dating? What advice would you give me in regards to this relationship? I have met his entire family and we spend holidays together with them and I get along great with them. He asks my advice on things and shares details of his past life and relationships and mistakes he has made in life.
He also shares all his goals and dreams with me and asks me to help him make decisions on things because he has a hard time making decisions on things. Hi Pamela! I am a woman who has been trampled on and broken by a man I loved sincerely and when I see the comments on here without responses, I feel a twinge of sympathy.
I garnered that a lot of guys mature late. How late can he get to realize what he wants. But if you two did finally hit it off, then may your bonds grow stronger. And we hardly see each other because of his work and the distance between us.. Few days back I visited him where he stays and he introduced me to everyone around him and everything was good until I hold his phone while he was asleep..
I found out that his cheating for me which changed everything.. Then I asked him everything and he answered me some not everything.. Then he apologized about his doings and promise me that he will short everything out soon.. Please I need an advice on what to do! Hello well.. This guy has Been pursuing me for almost 3yrs. We were intimate, spent all of our time together. He does for me, we go out in public. We talked about marriage and kids together everthing.. He knew that i wasnt emotionally ready at the time yet he assured me it was safe to open up and be kind…Then when i finally do and say lets do this he tells me no and starts to pull away… Now he says he not ready and not intrested anymore…what happened?
Ladies…all I can say is if you feel insecure about your looks then make yourself more attractive for YOU! Not for a man. Your purpose should be feeling better about yourself and increasing your own confidence regardless of men. What men seem to forget is that women are not on this earth solely for their pleasure. How you feel about yourself should be totally independent of what men think. I get the concept but I have no clue how to act on it in a concrete way. Yes, early days I know, but we have passed a lot of these things. We try and have a date a week, very casual ones though, we feel good around each other, talk is easy, we support each other, have some similar interests and hobbies, and the sex is great.
It was only how one date night he was sick and I organised an easy night at his where I would bring over dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. I get that. I have those days too. I also get that plans come up and that if there is a friend you can only see once in a blue moon then you take it. But, does it have to be the same night? Do I have to find out through a third person that he went to a party while sick on the night he wanted to be alone?
Ok, I get that. We are only I agreed with him but he also knows that down the line those feelings on my end might change. This is Dana I just want you to help with my issue. I met a guy I obsorved his character he is genuine, and kind to everyone. My question for you is did he making to jealous or he just wants avoid me. Good article, but I just wonder what men should bring to the table? Eric Charles. Select a guy that brings what you like to the table. Now the big problem is the guys i had in my past are somewhere in links with him and he is really in a very confused state to whether continue with this relationship and get into a commitment of marriage or not.
I was wondering. It was refreshing, well-written and absolutely correct. Big ups???? If you could email me i just have some questions, i dont like commenting but need a little advice.
Thankyou in advance! Reading this book was like grinding and swallowing glass, very emotional and liberating experience! I think I actually owe it to myself to put it all into words how I feel i am not very strong at putting my feelings into words and what an amazing experience it has been to read you articles every day!!!
Out of all other advice out there that I was reading, your information is the most that made perfect sense to me, you, at your young age, you have a lot of experience that you were able to collect, organize perfectly and,…help people! When you write about having a particular mindset, you talk about things that was a missing ingredient for me when it came to decide that you really are above a lot of other so called relationship gurus! You truly are an amazing human being, handsome, sexy, and beautiful mind and soul!!! So one after another, and onother so so book purchase lead me finally to your book!
I pushed myself and finally started dating again. Inessa :. Thank you very much for your warm and heartfelt message. Hi Eric, you are very welcome! I really like the fact that you got back to me so quickly, that made me feel special and cared for, thanks! Yeah, living here in Taxochussetts full of massholes, lol. Never boring, haha.
What is the best way to contact you on Facebook, I know you cannot accept any more friend requests, so I guess just message you there, right? This article was exactly what I needed to read. It was straight to the point but very in depth with how simple it is to keep your man into you. Right now I could use the help with my current relationship. Eric Charles, if there was any way to get your insight on my current situation I would greatly appreciate that. Thank you for the great insight above.
The same thing happened to me. He is lying to you. Drop him like a hot potato and find someone who deserves you! Sexual attraction is human nature. Great article, amazing advice, and well-written! Any advice? Thanks… well… after such a shining endorsement, I guess I kind of have to at least look at your forum post hehe. When not to try anymore. How do you know he is finished?
Apparently women should forget about themselves and just revolve around what their guy wants. Then as icing on the cake, you insult the quality of the content based on my maleness which is ironic, since the root of your grievance is to accuse me of being sexist…. Again, I have always been open to discussion of anything not just this article but my whole body of work over the last 13 years. Correct me if im wrong please Eric. What I think he is saying is that we are all caught up in what WE all want which is pretty normal human behavior , male or Female.
Eric is saying that perhaps we should look at what other people want for a change and focus in on that. Not at all to say give up your morals, boundaries, perspectives as strong independent woman. Please be kind, this man is trying to help and has dedicated his life work to understand the sexes communicate better. Help that grow , ask intelligent questions. This article is surprisingly well written considering that most refer to manipulation of some sort.
Yet, I would like to take a middle ground here in the positions taken by Eric Charles and Jennie. I think a fifth point, but moved to the top of the post should be on finding your own self love, and source of fulfillment independent of relationships, which helps you then do the second point say no to those who are not a good fit for you — i. And yes, such relationships are reciprocal. It is not only the woman adding value, the man reciprocates as well. Both partners benefit. And commitment is a natural result, without having to manipulate the situation in any way.
Thanks for offering different points of view. I think this is pretty head on! One of the things Eric stresses in many of his articles is that a woman needs to be happy with her own life and love herself before she can truly be happy in a relationship. He also points out that if a woman is happy on her own, she will attract love and that it is then up to her to decide if a man is right for her. How is that sexist? In order to learn, you need to read the entire articles, not just pick out the parts that you can twist into being offensive.
Keep up d Good work???????????? I see where I have been going wrong with my relationships and I see that I am putting too much of what I want them to be for me in it. I see where my negative thoughts have failed me and how I can go about changing me to be a better me for a relationship. Your views are so on point and I completely understand exactly where you are coming from.
I will continue to read and reread your advice until I get myself where I need to be physically and emotionally. I definitely dont live in the moment with the man I have been with and I have gotten the I dont want a relationship thing from him but I definitely see where I went wrong because this man was interested in me from the beginning and he is still here. So I see where I went wrong. I see where I need to change just from reading your articles. I am seeing clearly.
Now just to adjust my behavior and actions. I believe I will see a change in him. You cant expect people to change if you dont change yourself first… Thanks for all the great advice :. Thank you very much for the kind words. I appreciate it. And after reading this article, I think I know exactly what to do. Great article Eric! I have been reading lots of articles online about compatibility and commitment lately. Yours by far is a great read. He still talks to me through texting often. Then he asked me if I was pissed off or upset about it. I simply replied that I was fine and he told me I was cooler than he thought.
We were playing the waiting game back and forth. We then started talking like normal again. I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. After this conversation he came back really strong without even a day in between where there was no contact and kept initiating plans e. I had a conversation with him this week because I really wanted to know where I stand. I was happy with this. I told him that due to the living situation and fear of getting hurt I may want to remove myself from the situation. What is your advice with my next step?
Should I bother bringing it up again, should I stop sleeping with him or should I keep sleeping with him in the hope that he will give me what I want eventually? So relevant in my life right now and will help me in our second attempt at happiness with my other half. So insightful. Straightened out a thought process that I had, but had jumbled! I want to start off by saying thank you for adding a guys input Eric! My question is how do know if your inspiring him to be his best self and inspire him in his lifes mission if you dont know what that is?
The guy im kind of seeing has only initiated deep conversation once and it was to ask what i thought about us. Am i supposed to ask him out right or am i supposed to try and figure it out all on my own? Thanks Eric, love your articles and advice. How important is sexual chemistry and compatibility in a relationship?
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If all other areas are great but my man feels though he is missing that sexual chemistry with me even though he is very physically attracted to me, is that a deal breaker? Extremely helpful post! I got a lot of great nuggets I look forward to practicing with this awesome guy He says he likes me a lot but does not know what he wants we not in a relationship he enjoys my company a lot I like him too but need more. I know he seeing other people but denies it. Please give me your opinion.
Is there anyway that I can contact you such as an email I have a personal question about some of this continent Sincerely Sarah. Thank u so much your email and articles I have been reading are great.! I meet this guy from a really good friend of mine.! Which is very different me, my parents like him a lot. But we argue alott. He says I have no discipline in my life he blames me for all the arguments we have, and its always my fault. He has left the house like 6 times.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank u very much. Hi, He sounds as if he has a lot of his own insecurities and is deflecting them onto you. You sound to me as if you are not comfortable in being yourself around him. This guy you are with, needs you a lot more than you need him, be careful not to allow him to force you to change into someone nobody wants, so thy he can keep you all to himself, while he used you.
What a fantastic article! And, Cher is absolutely right. The only real way to ensure you get him to commit is to really and truly love your own self first and foremost. After 40 yrs of marriage, loss due to death, we had to grow up together, we changed as we grew, we had to adjust, we became grown ups, our ideas, needs and desires changed. Easy as that. There is no magic wand. It is hard work that can pay you back with a lifetime of wonderful memories.
Find yourself, grow yourself and learn to be happy with yourself. Learn to like yourself and spend time with yourself. Learn to be your own best friend—. We were together for a yr and 5 months when an ex-friend homewrecker began conversing with him in posts on social media. I trusted him, so nenever thought there would be risk. She will never be the woman that I am and I think part of him feels sorry for her while I do not!! Don't think that all you have to do to impress a man is to hit the gym, put on the eyeliner, and wear tight pants. You have to impress him with your charm, your brains, and your ability to have a good conversation.
Sure, some men are more obsessed with looks than they should be. But you can say the same for women. Don't think that men are much more likely to be unfaithful than women. You may think that men are known for being cheaters; and who can forget the Tiger Woods scandal? However, both men and women are capable of cheating, even if women tend to look for more of an emotional connection while men look for the physical connection.
Don't think that your guy is likely to cheat on you just because he's a guy; if he does, it's because he's looking for a connection outside the relationship. But women could be scumbags, too. Don't think that men don't like to commit. You may think that any man you meet is terrified of commitment and wants to run for the hills as soon as you say the phrase, "I think you should meet my parents.
Just remember that there are plenty of women who are equally afraid of getting serious with someone. If your current love interest is afraid to commit to you, then don't tell yourself it's just because he's "a typical man. Don't think that all men are intimidated by strong women. Sure, men might be intimidated by strong women -- if you're Michelle Obama or Oprah Winfrey. But in general, men are actually attracted to assertive women who know what they want and are comfortable with going after it.
Don't try to act girly, clueless, or giggly just to impress a guy.
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If you want a man to take you seriously, then you have to show him your full potential. Being strong means being confident. And everyone is attracted to confidence. Learn how to understand the male ego. If you want to understand men on an even deeper level, then you should try to understand the male ego.
Get better at allowing him to have some space. Mastering this process could improve your relationship in the long run. Learn more about how men behave in long-term relationships. This can help you understand the thought process of a man who is in it for the long haul. Figure out how to help your boyfriend get through depression. This is a challenging aspect of understanding men.
Improve your relationship with your boyfriend. If you have a better sense of how to improve your relationship with your boyfriend, you'll have a better understanding of men. Start by building trust and acceptance that will make him comfortable when he talks to you. Show your boyfriend that he can trust you with something as important as his emotions and that you will accept whatever he may tell you. Be sure to communicate that you would like to connect on a deeper level without hinting. Yes No.
Not Helpful 6 Helpful Ask your boyfriend how you can help, give him space if he needs it and listen carefully to what he says. Be a good listener instead of trying to give lots of advice.
Not Helpful 3 Helpful Not Helpful 1 Helpful That can be normal. Some guys just don't like to talk, especially on the phone. Try to work out some kind of compromise with him, like maybe he could check in with you by text every day, even if he doesn't feel like talking much. Tell him it's important to you, and if he's a good boyfriend, he should be willing to do this. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 8. No one is saying it's necessary to understand men, this article is just here for woman who want to. Whether you want to is up to you. It's always helpful to understand people, though.
It can save you confusion and frustration, give you a better sense of what is normal and okay and what is not, and enable you to interact with and treat people better. Not Helpful 4 Helpful My boyfriend told me about all his past relationships. What does that indicate? He could be trying to prove to you that he trusts you and doesn't want to keep anything from you, possibly in order for you to do the same. However, it also depends on the things he is telling you. He could be trying to boast and even compare his past relationships to yours. It depends on the secret that you have, but if you trust him and want to have an honest relationship you should tell him your secret.
Not Helpful 2 Helpful How can I get my boyfriend to accept and understand way the way I feel about things? It shouldn't be such a struggle. A good boyfriend would accept your feelings no matter what, even if he doesn't understand them - and he should be making the effort to understand you himself.
All you can do is explain how you feel and why, ask that he respect your feelings, and do the same for him. If he doesn't cooperate, he's probably not right for you. What do I do if I'm attracted to a guy who just wants sex and is a total jerk? He is not worth it. If you are truly attracted to him and love him, ask him why he wants to just have sex with you, ask him why he likes you and try to make sure it's love you are not feeling not lust. If he doesn't seem interested in talking to you or doesn't give you a straight answer, leave him and move on.
You deserve better. The best thing to do would be to cut off contact with both of them immediately. If you know any other women who are friends with them, let them know what happened so they can be on the lookout for a similar trick. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 6. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Tips Remember, the information in this article is based on generalizations. It might be that not all of it applies to the men you know. If your boyfriend is depressed, offer him a hug to comfort him. It will soothe him.
10 Ways to Make Him Commit!
If he does not talk to you for over weeks, then ask him why he is not talking. Don't ask him after just one hour. Give him time. Men are not mind-readers. They won't get exactly what's on your mind unless you actually say it. Try to give your man some more clues and make more gestures about what you want him to do for you. Edit Related wikiHows. Article Summary X To understand men, realize that they tend to be more competitive than women, so support the kinds of activities that can bring him satisfaction.
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Co-Authored By:. Allen Wagner, MFT. Co-authors: Updated: May 27, SW Sara Wu May It's about the right match.